cock crazed and face glazed

Show: Gays in the Military, Panicsville, Bloodyminded, Vertonen, Sixes, and 16 bitch Pil Up
Venue: the Empty Bottle
Placess I'd otherwise be: Delilah's with old roommates, Carol's with Brandon
Reason I went: hadn't seen a show in a few days
Price: beer

"This goes out to our quickly diminishing Northside fans" - Bloodyminded

When puks don't die young like they're supposed to, they have three options:

1. become noise enthusiasts
2. become country enthusiasts
3. grow old and sell out

Tonight at the noise show, I saw a lot of faces I don't see sweating it out in basements anymore. One of the fun things about noise, that also applies to performance art, orgies and really good raves, is that you'll see them portrayed in movies and tv shows and it's always taken to such an absurd degee that you go "Oh cmon!". Over and over again, when I see someone slapping themselves with raw meat or a mountain of coke at some casual party, I'll turn my nose up, thinking they're just laying it on way too damn thick. Then I'll go out and see it. I don't know if it's art imitating life or life imitating art or trash imitating trash or what, but the Empty Bottle was a fun place to be tonight.


The first band was Gays in the Military, who erred on the side of trying too hard, but put on an immensely fun show. They looked like a fagged-out version of every film I've ever seen about Vietnam. There were army helmets, cutoff shorts, tie-dyed bandanas and camouflage butterfly wings. They had a handful of dancers including two women in plaid skirts and roller skates, one in a rubber, sexy police officver costume, and one wrapped in nothing but fringe, who flopped around like a caught fish (after the set, she changed into a tasteful cocktail dress).

So you had your screaming, you had your sonic guitars, your synth freakout, your tits and your Velcro Lewis guest vocals, it's the Empty Bottle so nobody's venturing a few feet forward to join the dancers; the show still needs something, so out comes the Porn Fairy, a bikini clad vixen in a plastic Peter Pan mask with a sack full of smut. I guess I wasn't naughty or nice enough for the good shit, 'cause while other people are gettin 'Young Live Girls', 'The Women of Starbucks' and some straight up DVDA shit, I get "Scorched" a straight-to-video heist flick starring Alicia Silverstone and John Cleese. Maybe she'll show her tits. It is Rosh Hashana, after all.

By the end of the set, one of the rollergirls was flashing one of the biggest pairs of tits I'd ever seen while the hot-cop beat them with a plastic nightstick, the Porn Fairy was riding the girl in the netting like a mule and the dancer with the bad wig had unleashed a dozen light-up bouncy-balls in full seizure-inducing splendor. The band was doing some cool shit too but by this point, it was just background. See them.

When Panicsville pulled out a table with a couple of children's toys, an old fashioned alarm clock, and literally dozens of pedals with hundreds of cords snaking around them, I just about came. I cannot believe hat in twelve years of Panicsville and nine years of going to shows I've never seen them. From what I've heard, this was one of their tamer sets.

The set (a full set consisting of maybe three songs) had was real percussive. At one point, Andy Ortmann was shaking a miked saucepan full of gravel and it sounded like an earthquake, an avalanche, just the fucking end of the world. Good stuff. Go see them.

The third band was Bloodyminded. I saw them play at Enemy a month or two ago but they weren't my thing. Everything they did seemed boring and cliched. The singer talked longer than the duration of the songs which themselves were only distinguishable by length. It seemed like typical wall of noise shit. I was surprised it took more than one person, but the crowd went completely apeshit over it, so I probably just don't get it.

"Give ush zee money Lebowshki!" This came courtesy of their biggest fan/drunken heckler. I don't like to get hung up on how bands look, but these guys really did look like Nihilists/German industrial band from "the Big Lebowski," all black and black-leather. The singer, lean and bald with a couple earrings and maybe a hint of eyeliner looked like every picture of every neo-Nazi I'd ever been shown as a child. Not that he was, that's just what I got from it. There nothing even wrong with looking like a Nazi. He just seemed so movie-perfectly so. See this band, and tell me what I'm missing.

"That was Bloodyminded, and next up is Yo La Tengo." Thank you drunken heckler. You rock.

Next up were the Sixes, Vertonen, and 16 Bitch Pile-Up. Unfortunately, I had to leave a hair before midnight to make it to the radio show and missed them all. Hopefully, I'jll get to see them next time. Good night, and l'shana tova.